Born This Way
Today at work, a co-worker was having an extremely rough day….nay….a week. I told him to drink a lot of alcohol this evening. Obviously the cure for all.
“I can’t, I only have 1 kidney,” he said.
“Aww, you donated?” I responded.
“No, just born that way.”
I thought for a second then began to laugh uncontrollably. Not because I have a brain injury and laughed when I shouldn’t, but because an entire scenario went through my head and I decided to share it.
“You know what would be really funny?” I said.
“If someone kidnapped you, attempted to harvest your second kidney for money, opened you up, only to discover you had just one!”
He laughed uncomfortably. I thought it was pretty damn funny.
The Handmaid’s Tale
Why don’t the husband’s have handmaids?
I mean, would they wear horrible red suits? But then they would probably be pimps because no one really wears a red suit except for pimps. But I’ve never met a pimp so maybe they don’t? And I guess with a red suit they would have to wear a red fedora but then I’m like, “hold on, that’s my cup of tea cause I wear a fedora at literally all soccer games and events. Here I am at the blessed opening of Ikea wearing a fedora:
So why don’t the women of Gilead get to screw male handmaids? Again, for anyone that hasn’t seen it, the husband gets to fuck the handmaid while the wife is holding her down. Almost like the handmaid is the wife’s vagina. Why can’t the husband hold down this younger guy, as if he is the husband’s dick? Just sayin.’
This Mother’s Day Weekend
It’s less than 24 hours away from Mother’s Day! I wish every mother out there the best fuckin’ mother’s day they have ever had! I hope you sit on your thrown like you should while your husband and children feeds you grapes and fans you! You had a watermelon eject from your strawberry size va-ja-ja and some of you ass holes didn’t even get an epidural which I can’t even wrap my mind around. If it were up to me, I would have had them numb me to my neck. Actually I always questioned why God didn’t allow us to shit out an egg and sit on it for 9 months like a bird. Can you imagine the level of binge watching that could take place with that?
Oh….you know what that means bitches! Tomorrow afternoon we are driving to Cincinnati for a soccer tournament which also means my BFF’s, NC, NG and AF will all be there in all their glory. If you don’t remember them, here are a few posts with them: Travel Soccer= Booze Fest or this YouTube video from last Fall: https://youtu.be/y1fETwdx680
Since it’s Mother’s Day Weekend and someone who hates their mom scheduled our game at 8 a.m., why not make the best of it? Anything goes. Facebook live, YouTube video, a later post, who knows. Just get ready!