Family · Kids · Parenting

6 Reasons the Baby Years Can Suck It

I am a mom of 2 boys (9 and almost 13). Parenting has become so much easier. Occasionally however, I come across a mom (I have yet to have a father ever say this) who I’d like to refer to as batshit crazy. Why? Because they say dumb things like this:

“Don’t you just miss the baby years?”

French GirlsNope. Not at all. Not ever.

Parenting a newborn is on par with serving time in a North Korean labor camp. Don’t get me wrong, babies are beyond cute, look at the meme I found on Pinterest, for cryin’ out loud! I will be the first to hold a baby that the new mom brings into work. I love when I can get babies to smile and I love when they snuggle. I love when they clap their hands out of sheer joy.

But these are just minutes, surrounded by the rest of the time. That is why I would like to tell you why older kids are sooo much better.


The average baby goes through 70 diapers a week and that baby sure as shit (no pun intended) isn’t the one changing them. And with the diaper comes along the onesie or what I like to refer to as, Satan’s garment. Normally on any given night, your baby has not only pissed through the diaper but also the onesie. At 2 a.m., you must wrestle (in the dark) with a squirmy infant to not only remove the onesie, but to change the diaper.

Use Your Words

Babies can’t tell you they are hot, cold, hungry or tired, they just file every complaint under scream worthy and get to work. Not a very effective approach but who am I to judge. On more than one occasion, I would find myself whining to my sons,

“I don’t know what you want! I’ll give you $500 if you’ll tell me what you want!”

Who Needs a Rooster?

Who needs a rooster or an alarm clock when you have a child under 6? There would be weekends that P would get me up at 6:30 a.m. and I would be his toy for the rest of the day. Now he sleeps in on the weekends till 10:30. I once had a mom say to me, “Yeah, but you’ll miss it though when they sleep in.”

I’m sorry Karen, did I say I was a farmer? No, I didn’t. I’ll take 10:30 over 6:30 any day. 

And even though the youngest gets up early, he is 100% self-sufficient. Hell, he could probably go out into the woods, shoot a deer, lug it back to the house and fry it up, all before 9 a.m.

I Have My Living Room Back

Once on maternity leave, I went upstairs in an attempt to sleep for a few hours while my mother-in-law watched my newborn. When I shuffled back into the living room wearing my oversized robe, I nearly fell down at the transformation. She had taken the liberty to set up all the baby gear. Within just 1.5 hours, she somehow managed to add the following:

  • a pack and play
  • a swing
  • a bouncy chair
  • a floor mobile
  • a boppie (see French girl above for a boppie)

In shock that my living room resembled a daycare, I looked over to the t.v. to find a Baby Einstein puppet, taunting me by flapping about, singing a song. In my mind, fluffy ducky was singing the following,

“Jokes on you! La, la, la, la! I own you! La, la, la, la! Kiss your living room goodbye cause it’s mine, la, la, la, la!”

Diaper Bag

baby travel systemThat fucking diaper bag (shaking my head). That thing had to have like 2 bottles, a change of clothes, wipes, countless diapers, antibacterial, a changing pad, I mean the list went on and on. And shopping with a baby? I always felt like I was part of a caravan, traveling over the Sahara with 10 camels in front and 10 in back. Apparently, they call these things a “Baby Travel System”, like the baby is piloting the Starship Enterprise or something.

Sense of Humor

My sons are quickly cultivating a wonderful sense of humor. Some of the things they say and do leave me bent over in laughter. Don’t believe me? Check out my 12-year-olds guest post: Guest Post- Hot Mess’s Son- Mrs. Smith I can also read my blog posts with minor adjustments to language to them to gauge whether or not it’s funny enough. They love when I announce it’s story time.

Honestly, I have about 20 additional reasons why the baby years can suck it but want to keep this post around 750 words. How do you feel about this? Do you agree?



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11 thoughts on “6 Reasons the Baby Years Can Suck It

  1. I would like to agree, but the baby years beat by a long way the attitude of my growing kids, not going to school, behaving like utter morons, swearing at me when they don’t get their own way and the tantrums that are like a grown toddler. Give me a baby any day over them!

    1. This is a safe place to disagree and I welcome it! LOL! I think it would be hilarious then if you wrote a blog post on why adult kids can suck it! You know, give me a little preview of what I’m in for. I have a feeling that in 5 years when I have a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old, I will immediately retract this post and write a post such as the one I suggested above.

  2. ALL. OF. THIS! And people wonder why I am in absolutely no rush to have babies. I keep telling them that I’ll have a baby – if I can guarantee that it’s going to be 5 years old the minute I see it so I don’t have to do all that *makes circle motion with hand at the screen* or I will be happy to adopt an older child, or (maybe even better) end up with someone who already has children lol Although the attitude of the ones I nanny right now sometimes makes me wish they were younger…

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you agree! I almost put a P.S. at the end of this stating I apologize if I am the reason the human race burns out. I could totally see you in front of your computer doing this! LOL!

  3. I laughed at your post and can relate although the baby years are in my way way (way) distant past. It’s a stage of life we must go through and I would much prefer those years over the teenage years – 3 daughters nearly did my head in – but now they’re all in their late 20s/early 30s we’re all great mates. Hang in there it’s a long ride….
    Thanks for your comments on my Throwback Thursday post recently where I was feeling nostalgic for my early mothering years 🙂

    1. I would say the tween years can suck it too. It’s only 7 pm and I’m drinking as my children made me do it. They have not stopped chattering ALL EVENING LONG. I have nothing left!

  4. I was lucky: I traveled a lot for work (still do). My wife was/is a legend who held it all together. I would come home and wonder how on God’s Green Earth she managed to do it all alone. At one point, we had three under two years of age (twins will do that). It’s still not easy but I don’t miss the baby years!

    1. Twins (gulp)? OMG…I can’t even imagine, no way. I’m woman enough to admit that would be my breaking. Your wife deserves a damn metal…..nah, a designer handbag. Yes, get her a designer handbag. Let’s see, 3 children under the age of 2, carry the nine. Ok, that would equate to a Louis Vuitton or Gucci. Please buy her either one on mother’s day.

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