This is a post I wrote in January of 2016 about working at a Southwest clothing company as a boot buyer. To say I didn’t fit in was an understatement. This post has been in my drafts until now. I’m pleased to say I currently work for a wonderfully kind woman and in a culture that leaves me saying, “I’m home”. Now that it’s been almost 2 years that I left that nightmare, I want to post this. I hope you enjoy it!
There are 2 things that keep me from losing my shit at work, my sons. I am sucking it up for now and taking it like a little bitch. I might as well be working at Brokedown Palace or something. And for anyone that wants my career background, please click here: The Shameful Sheep
I mean, I am truly at a “fuck it” moment. My boss is officially the worst human, if we are not taking into account Hitler or Manson. She has never been in a corporate environment and takes cues from a 1995 playbook. Working from home, more than 1 monitor or the ability to work through your lunch, is simply unheard of.
I avoid all contact with her ALL THE TIME. Instinctively, when I hear her stomping nearby, I bend my head down. Body language experts would say this is a familiar way for humans to avoid danger.
Because she is a micro, macro and everything in between manager, she is at my desk 24/7. Though I’ve never worked at Dairy Queen, I can imagine her management skills to be on par with them. See, somehow in her delusional world, we are incapable (I’m not the only one harassed) of consistently finding things to do on our own. She will make the rounds, stopping at everyone’s desk to “check up” on them and give them a list of to-dos. After a certain amount of time has lapsed, or the time she feels is appropriate for the tasks, she will come out of her shit hole office and rapid fire 50 additional tasks to be done. She then proceeds to return back to her office and flip through magazines for “trend research”.
Over the past month I have felt overwhelming stress and anxiety. It felt familiar, yet I couldn’t put my finger on why. Last week it hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven’t felt this amount of stress since going to college full-time while working in a retail store full-time. I feel a tightness in my chest while my stomach is in knots.
I refuse to cry though. I almost broke down 2 days ago on my way home. I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel because I was enraged and more mad than I have been in a long time.
I snapped at her 2 days ago. She came to my desk knowing I was horribly overwhelmed. But then again, if you lack empathy, you won’t pick up on that fact anyway. Last Friday I was tasked with getting a list of clearance items to be promoted in a flyer. Promptly I assembled this list. Not only did I provide her with a physical copy but I also emailed it to her. She managed to lose both.
“Do you have that e-mail you sent me? I can’t seem to find it,” she asks.
“Yeah hold on, I’ll get that for you.”
“You know, we really need to get the flyer done. We’ve been working on it for over a week,” insinuating I was dragging my feet.
“I gave you the list last Friday. You haven’t done anything towards it since,” I responded before I had time to filter it.
She said nothing and walked away.