Family · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness

Hot Mess World War

“What should I write about C?” I asked my 8-year-old while watching Impractical Jokers. I love that show btw!

“Write about how P hit me in the nose yesterday.”

“Let’s knuck it!” I say as I clench my fist. He knucks me back as I said, “excellent topic C. I’ll read it to you tomorrow!”

And that I will, removing all curse words of course!


On my drive home, I received the following text from my husband:




I couldn’t respond back as I was too busy cursing a 95-year-old grandmother doing a hefty 25 mph in front of me, merging onto the interstate.

“Way to get someone killed grandma!” I screamed at my rolled up window.

When I got home, I had to pee as if I hadn’t peed since January. I sat down on the toilet, looked to my left and about threw up.

‘Did someone miscarry in the trash can? Jesus!’ I thought. There was not only blood in the trash, but around the can. I finished and went out to talk with the victim.

“C, are you ok?” I asked coming around the corner of the living room.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said as if nothing had ever happened.

“Where’s your brother?” I asked.

“Upstairs cryin'” C said. You could tell he felt for his brother.

I went upstairs to find my 12-year-old sitting on his bed as if he had just been indited for money laundry and would be spending 30 years in prison. Given how pissed my husband was, the jail time probably wasn’t too far off. P just sat there, cupping his arms with red eyes from sobbing. He didn’t say anything; he just stared into the distance.

“Heard you really screwed up.” I said. He shook his head.

“You ever gonna do that again?” I asked. Again, a shaking of the head.

“You know your gonna be grounded right?” I asked. Again, a shake of his head. Use your words damn it!

Brothers are Like Cubs

In my mind, and stay with me here folks, brothers are like little bear cubs. They are always wrestling, jumping on each other and rolling around. I try really, really hard not to be the batty mother when this happens…every f’ing day……

“Now stop that boys…..”

“Someones going to get hurt…..”

I have visions of my oldest snapping my son’s neck just so or someone having a permanent injury from wrestling. But I try to push it from my mind as I would like to think this is how brothers show affection??? Do you think?

There really isn’t an ending to this story. My oldest doesn’t have his electronics back in which I’m sure is driving him bat shit crazy. My youngest is 100% fine. My husband is now making jokes about the incident. For example, anytime C sniffles, my husband remarks,

“It’s probably your broken nose, isn’t it?”

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9 thoughts on “Hot Mess World War

  1. I wonder what my parents would have done or how they would have reacted if I told them when my brother intentionally hurt me?? Two instances in particular: when bro shot me in the heel with his paintball gun or when he stood on my neck to gain control of the tv remote.

      1. I have a scar on my face where he dug his thumb nail into my face… not sure why though. I also have a scar from where my mom cut me with s scissors, but that was an accident.

        1. Damn! I’m pleased to see you survived that! That’s terrible! I hope he’s learned his lesson or has kids of his own to pry from each other’s throats!

  2. I had my brother hold my head under water in a pool once. He was just getting too rough and decided a good 10 seconds without oxygen was a good thing for me? And then once at a youth camp, he decided to actually football tackle me by slamming into my waist and knocking me to the ground….

    Boys suck sometimes lol

  3. Just don’t forget he’s grounded. My dad did that once, grounded me “until I say otherwise” and months went by. He forgot, and thought I was just being quiet and keeping to myself. Sullen. My stepmother finally had to ask him, after about six months of this, when he was going to let me off and if he even remembered what it was I was grounded for.

    He did not, so I was set free.

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