He’s Not Old, Damn It!

Hes Not Old

My early morning conversations with my 12-year-old seem to becoming more and more ridiculous as the school year marches on. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have approximately 20 minutes between the time I wake up and the time I drive him to the bus stop. In a hung-over haze, I quickly attempt to make his lunch while we discuss the latest current events. Today was no different.

As P sat on the sofa, I did what I swore I would never do as it was so friggin’ annoying as a child watching tv, when my grandma did it. She would ask things like……

“Who’s this fella’?” 

“Is this still the same show?” 

“What’s happening?”

5 minutes later, “Is this still the same show?”

Get with the program grandma! Literally. But I digress. Here’s how the conversation went this morning….

“P, is he a player?” I asked about the gentleman on t.v, giving a press conference. I thought he was good-looking.

P laughed as if I had just asked if the dude was the MVP of Tiddlywinks.

“That guy? He’s too old to be a player. That’s the coach.” He responded. “Player,” he laughed-snorted.

In a voice 10 octaves lower than my usual voice, I pointed my finger dramatically at him and said, “you shut your mouth.”

P laughed as this is a common occurrence in my household. My sons will yell at the t.v. and make a comment on how a guy is too old to be playing goalie. Meanwhile I’m wondering if the dude is old enough to drink. When I ask how old the guy is they’ll announce,


The Lunch Box

Just minutes after my schooling of how the 40-something-coach is indeed not a player, I reached into my freezer to get an ice block out for P’s lunch.

“I don’t think it’s cold enough,” I said as I handed it to him.

He touched it, “yeah, it’s not.”

“You’ll be fine,” I said. “We didn’t even have ice blocks for lunches when I was your age.”

“What ‘cha have to do? Empty an ice tray into a bag?”

Playing on our conversation just minutes before that, I decided to roll with it.

“Nah, that wasn’t possible, as plastic for the ice trays had not been invented…….in 1856.”

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