Family · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness

Hot Mess Vs. The Hoarder

Do you guys know the show Hoarders? Where a gray-haired woman is defending why she has 3 frozen parakeets in her freezer. Or a balding man insists on keeping every JC Penny catalog since 1987?

I’m afraid I’m raising a hoarder.

Why? My 8-year-old son’s room is a nightmare. And it’s not some large room, maybe 19’x15’. On any given day, I’ll find empty Capr suns, a half eaten bag of Doritos and a plate of crumbs.

Once, when I smelled urine in his room, I searched for the guilty artifact. When I opened his closet, something with a glare, caught my eye in the corner. I bent down and pulled it out. It was a Carlos Rossi wine bottle….half filled with urine. When I asked him what the deal was, he said the sound of the toilet scared him. I told him that going forward, if he was scared, to tell me and I would go to the potty with him.

The Bears

So let’s talk about the bears. C is not willing to give up the bears. Is 8 (almost 9) too old for bears? I don’t know. When I traveled for work, I would visit every Build a Bear and work with the creepy perve, dragging a stuffed horse on roller skates, behind him, to make a bear for my son. My son acquired so many bears that my 12-year-old, P, made him a sign to hang on his door that said:

WELCOME TO BEARVILLE

Unfortunately over the past year, every time I suggest packing away the bears or giving them to a charity, C looks at me as if I’ve asked for a kidney. Occasionally when he does relinquish a bear, he’ll hand me 1 beanie baby to throw out.

This is when I begin to turn into my parents and begin to think about drives to the country, with the bears. Like my cats that walked this road 20 years ago, I feel it’s time for the bears to do so too.

I have visions of buckling all of them in my car and taking that ride. I would look in the backseat to find this:

Build a bear

“Bears, let’s just go for a little ride in the country,” I would hear myself say.

On a country road several miles from town, I would set them all under a tree so they don’t get sun burnt, hand each one of them a bindle, and bid them adieu.

THE END. NO MORE BEARS.

Behind the Scenes….

Yesterday when C was at a friend’s house, I yelled for P to follow me up to C’s room. I explained the blog post idea and said, “grab the bears!” We each grabbed 3-4 bears and headed out to the car. I don’t want to know what my neighbors were thinking as they saw us not only come out with a ton of bears but buckle them in to the backseat, photograph them and then take them back into the house. Shit, we are probably the “weird neighbors” now.

 

 

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21 thoughts on “Hot Mess Vs. The Hoarder

  1. Hey! What’s the hatred with bears…
    I cuddle mine every night…all 237 of them.
    Just kidding.

    On a serious note, however, you have to give the kids props – he’s problem solver. Scary Toilet?? No problem, just piss in this bottle right here!

    I seen entrepreneur in his future!

    1. Right! Like a modern day chamber pot. Hmmmm…..I’ll let him keep the stupid bears (that I think are adorable btw) until it’s just flat out weird, like 11+.

  2. I was the same way… I had 52 stuffed animals on a shelf that spanned an entire wall in my room, with my Ty beanie babies organized in 3 shoe racks in my closet. I moved out and they were still there, even after years of my mom trying to get me to get rid of them. Finally, about 2 years after I moved out, I allowed her to take them to a donation center that provides plushies to children in broken homes and who have sustained abuse, so they went to a good cause.

    1. See, and I would love to have them go to an organization like that. They are in amazing shape, not drooled on or dirty. Probably just dusty. I think he would gain like an additional 25 more square feet if he got rid of the bears! Oh well.

  3. I couldn’t sleep without my teddy until I was like in grade 4 or 5 lol it’s a comfort thing. And I actually still have him in a box at my parents house. I think the bears are ok 🙂

    And the room, it’s ok too. 1st’s room is like that too – it’s so gross all the time. He’ll grow out of it 🙂

    Sincerely:
    Advice from a non-mother

    1. Well your a nanny and are with kids all the time. Now if you compare children to pets, then we have an issue. LOL! I think the bears are too, I just know how much more room he is going to have and how uncluttered it will look, once he purges the bears.

  4. I love that program … well it cause slight anxiety, but I still love it … I think its more the end product that I love really, but I’m a clean freak 😉

    As for the bears … why can’t he keep them?? 🙁
    Short story: When i left my husband (my kids were little), they lived with him for a couple of years (he believed he could do a better job … hahaha … a story for another day 😉 ); but when they came back to Me, he packed up all their things and sold them. Everything. My oldest still has anxiety over books that her Nan had given her, and my youngest … well she held onto every teddy bear she ever got thereafter, until .. Now. LOL, she’s 24! Her last lot of teddies she’s given to her daughter. But for the both of them they had memories attached to all those things the drop kick sold and taking them away from them actually made it worse. … btw, my youngest daughter, when she was in high school, bought a double bed so her teddies could sleep next to her and not on the floor LOL.

    1. THAT IS TERRIBLE! WTF! Glad you left him if he’s doing shit like that. I wouldn’t make him get rid if them until he’s ready. Like the inappropriate elf on the shelf pictures I created, I keep it to myself. To him, I adore his bears.

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