Family · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness

The Hot Mess Train

All aboard the Hot Mess train!! Choo-choo….we’re pullin’ out of the station! Hop aboard!!!! I have a few things to tell you guys so we will start with the bad news…..

Diet Train

Ok, so last week I wrote this post: At What Point Do We Diet? Just minutes later, one of the soccer moms were vowing to begin dieting tomorrow (Monday) on Facebook Messenger.

“Between the 4 of us,” I wrote, “is that enough to start an AA meeting? That would really help with our dieting; to cut out the wine.”

You would have thought I asked if we could sacrifice our own children to the dieting Gods. Let’s just say they shot that shit down real fast.

As a peace offering for my misjudement, I sent them the following picture of what I was currently eating….

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Fitbit

P, my 12-year-old received a black Fitbit from his grandparents last Christmas. He actually wanted it because a few of his buddies had one. He wore it a combined total of 21 days and I decided to show interest in owning it now.

I was in my bedroom yesterday, being sucked into yet another episode of Fixer-Upper (damn you Joanna Gaines for being so talented!), when P walked in.

“I see you sampled the bracelet yesterday. How did you like it?” P asked like a used car salesman.

“I haven’t had anytime to play with it,” I said as I counted where Joanna placed the canned lighting in each room and wondered where we could put this lighting in our living room.

“Well, I’ve been on Amazon and Target and I will sell you the bracelet for $100.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked him. “I could buy this from Craig’s List for like $50!”

“Now your just taking advantage of me,” my son retorted.

“I’m not trying to take advantage of you, I’m just saying that A. I could buy a new one for like $120 and B. I am your mother!”

In the end, we settled on $70. I said I would give him $35 this paycheck and another $35 the next. This went in one ear and out the other because………

My Child Is Turning Into an Ask Monster

I’ve always been into fashion however, thanks to having kids and now one that will be 13 in a few months, my acquiring of new clothing or shoes occurs little to never, anymore.  My last purchase? $12 flip-flops at Target, 2 months ago.

So I about lost my cool when P came to me and would not leave me alone about another $140 pair of shoes…..that are used, but “barely worn”; according to the description. This would be the second pair in just 2 months.

“You can just put $70 towards the shoes from the Fitbit, but right now,” he explained like he was walking me through how to set up an investment app.

“Where are these shoes?”

“Ebay.”

“Are they returnable?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well could ya’ look?” I asked dramatically, frustrated he didn’t know.

My patience was wearing thin as I kissed another week good-bye of buying a new outfit.

“They aren’t returnable,” he said flustered.

“Well how many reviews do they have?” I asked.

“Umm….where’s that?” He asked.

I looked at his screen to find LILMONSTA3 out of Mission Viejo, California, had indeed 0 feedback.

“Son, I’m going to teach you what falling off the truck means.” I began on the Ebay tab.

“That’s fallen off the truck; more than likely stolen.”

I clicked on the Amazon tab.

“This delivers on the truck and is not stolen.”

“Fell off a truck, delivered on a truck,” I clicked on each tab as I said it. “Fell off a truck, delivered on a truck.”

In the end we found a seller with over 2,000 reviews and allowed returns and bought his probable $2 shoes for $140.

Spider

And lastly, does anyone know what kind of spider this is? She’s been weaving her web and feasting on other bugs for days now!

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “The Hot Mess Train

    1. It’s the best it’s called Jenny Don’t Give a Fuck weight loss plan. It’s kinda like my, “I know I’m jumpin’ off the bridge tomorrow so I’m going out with a bang!”

        1. LOL!!! You should see the web she weaved this morning. It was beautiful. I’m not fond of spiders either but I do appreciate how intricate webs are and how 1 creature can do that…..from their ass.

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