My Imaginary Tiny House Journal

Tiny Home

I don’t just like tiny houses, I LOVE tiny houses. I watch every Tiny Luxuries and House Hunter-Tiny House edition there is, as well as the sole documentary on Netflix about a kid building his own tiny house. Why Netflix doesn’t have any other tiny house series is beyond me.

In addition to the tv watching, I peruse the internet, looking at tiny house floor plans and how they are decorated. I am fascinated by all the ways the dinner table is also the coffee table but also a sewing table. I always think to myself, ‘maybe if we had multiple uses for each piece of furniture, we could all live in tiny houses.’

The Reality

I understand the grass is always greener somewhere else. I also understand I have no idea what I’d be getting myself in to. Not to mention, my husband and children look at me like a family member looks at Charlie Sheen, about to go into the Bunny Ranch. You hope they don’t go in, but there’s a good chance they will.

I need to get it out of my system. I need to stay like 2 nights in a tiny house. So if any of you reading this has a spare tiny house and your down with my 2 sons, husband and 578 year old chihuahua (who will probably piss on your floors) borrowing it for a weekend; e-mail me.

The Substitute

In an effort to avoid a train wreck and me going full throttle on this tiny house idea, I have written an imaginary journal of our first 6 weeks. Just a brief 3-4 sentence account, entered weekly on the slow demise that would surely unfold when sticking 4 people and a senior chihuahua in a tiny house.

Week 1

I am overwhelmed with happiness! We finally did it! 450 sq. ft. to call our own. We don’t settle on our land for another month so as embarrassing as it is, we have had to park our tiny house in a trailer park. But that’s ok, the boys share one loft while we have the other loft. Below there is the living area with 1 sofa, the coffee table extends up and we add 2 chairs to make our dining room table. Adorable!!! We have 1 bathroom with a combo washer/dryer and a place in the back (50 sq. ft.) where the boys can do homework or we can have peace.

Week 2

I forgot what it’s like going from 3 toilets down to 1 and 2 showers down to 1 horse trough. I feel like we are at a hotel! LOL! I’m going to stop by the store today and get more V.I.Poo as when anyone takes a dump, the entire trailer….ahem…..tiny house…..smells like death.

Week 3

Us living together for 2 weeks now has really opened our eyes to what little we did as a family before. In the evenings, after homework is done, we gather around our 1 t.v. and watch whatever the boys want to watch which is usually Teen Titans or some horrible Disney sitcom.

Week 4

Haven’t had sex in a month. Can’t with these stupid open lofts and boys behaving like vampires, up at all hours. I don’t need to dislocate my leg either by using our closet size bathroom. Perhaps we can find one of those motels that rent by the hour? Nah, scratch that, I don’t need to bring bed bugs home.

Week 5

I’m drunk. What have I done to our family? I would sell my right arm at this point for some privacy that didn’t include sitting on the toilet in our 30 sq. ft. bathroom. How are my sons going to bring a girl home to make out with in the not too distant future? There is no family room, no den, no nothing. I fuckin’ hate this.

Week 6

Screw tiny houses, tiny living and everything! Today I went to a real estate agent with a crazy look in my eye and no joke, said the following,

“I want the biggest fucking house you have in the county!” I said as I threw my hands up in the air, cackling like Cruella de Vil. “I want a family room, a formal living room, a drawing-room, a library and a den. This house needs to be so f’ing big that you can put the tiny house we currently live in, in the closet. You feel me?”

I could see him feeling under his desk for the panic button that didn’t exist.




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