Sure, it’s a little cliche and Disney-ish, naming this post Dog With A Blog, but it kinda fits.
Guess what ass holes? It’s me, Hot Mess’s Chihuahua- Chichi Barbados. I’ve hijacked her blog and it’s a no holds barred confession of how I get revenge on her for having not 1 but 2 children. Gone are the days she would argue with the manager of Target of why I was considered a service dog…..in the baby seat of a basket. Or when she had a bikini made for me for the summer time while Ugg knock off boots to wear in the winter.
Given that I don’t have access to the internet or really anything that requires dexterity, I have relied on my own devices to teach her a lesson as to why she should have never had children. Enjoy my shenanigans and if you are dog reading this learn from me young pup!
- Puke often. Don’t stop at 1 puke, 2 or even 3. Puke as many times it takes to bring tears to her eyes. Here was the first of 5 she walked into this evening:
2. Stare at her until she gives you food, pets you or allows you to go outside, find trash cans and eat rotten food. Repeat process, especially during movie time.
3. Roll around in shit. Smell something breathtaking? Roll around in it. Luxuriate in the geese shit. Here, let me show you how it’s done:
4. In an effort to add symmetry to the home, I piss the same amount of times in the upstairs hallway as I do vomit downstairs. I think this lends for a….je ne sais pas aroma that I find pleasing.
5. To shake things up, I’ll shit occasionally, but not often. Keeps her guessing, I feel.
6. Hot Mess always says that if there is a nuclear fallout, there will be 3 things left: cockroaches, rats and me. Damn right! I’m about 200 years old at this point!
Until next time lovely pups!