Anatomy Of Hot Mess Camping

anatomy of a camper

I’m back bitches! Again, term of endearment. Love you all! So I have been out in the woods this past weekend with 0 cell or wifi service and it killed me, not gonna lie. Because this weekend is treated as sacred and top secret, I have promised the ladies I went camping with that my friend, N, would review my post(s) before I posted, as not to disclose location or names.

What I can share with you is my ridiculous outfit the first day, when I learned we would be going deep into the woods. When my friend took this picture, I wanted it to have that same look of people about to go on safari, a hundred years ago. They always looked so stoic in these pictures and I wanted to have that same effect but just for shits and giggles.

The Anatomy Of Hot Mess’s Camping Gear

Anatomy Of A Camper

1. My lucky fedora, I wear to many outdoor events. Sure, it would blow off once and I’d have to retrieve it but it made it through another event. This was also to keep the bugs out of my hair.

2. I never get to wear my inappropriate shirt anywhere. I felt a girl’s weekend would be more than perfect! The saying? ITALIAN STALLIONS. Then it has a censored, black rectangle on the stallion’s pee-pee.

3. My rain boots in case we need to go through shady, grassy areas. I want me feet 100% covered. I don’t mess around.

4. The stoic look on my face. Also, I was not allowed to wear makeup so I look like death for a reason. Honestly I am milliseconds from bursting out into laughter. Partly because I think it’s funny. Partly because I was scared shitless to go into the woods. I sometimes laugh when I’m nervous.

5. I think it’s perfect that I’m flanked on each side with taxidermy animals. As if I’ve been hunting all my life and these are my proud trophies.

6. SPF 100. Because nothing is getting through to my vampire like colored skin.



So there you have it folks! The anatomy of a great explorer….or a complete wuss.


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