Look, I won’t pretend to understand the awkwardness for men when walking into a Vicky’s (that’s what we Columbus folk call Victoria’s Secret since their headquarters is here). Whether it means controlling half a chub or making sure your eyes aren’t fixed on any image for too long, I can’t imagine. For my lovely U.K. readers, what is the equivalent across the pond?
Regardless, I hate going into a Victoria’s Secret, even as a woman. Why? Because you have 10′ high posters of the world’s most beautiful women who are a size 0 but miraculously have watermelon breasts, reminding you that you don’t come close. It’s like their pounty lips and just-fucked hair are saying:
“Look how boobless and flabby you are. Look how amazing I am.”
Getting in to Victoria’s Secret is a challenge all of it’s own as you have to get passed the Greeter (aka the stalker). Their main job is to get you to buy stuff.
“Hello! What brings you in?”
“Would you like to open an angels card? You’ll receive 10% off your first purchase!”
“Check out our band-aid size thongs, 3 for $35”
“Would you like a bag?”
No I don’t want a bag! I love when they ask me if I want a bag. They hand me a bag the size of an Ikea bag and expect me to fill it with all sorts of merchandise. First of all, I’m not a millionaire and second of all, I don’t need a bag to carry around ribbons fashioned into a thong. I mean, the Made In China tag is bigger than the front piece of material sometimes.
And the bras! Let’s talk about the bras for a second. You would think the finest lace from Europe has been imported and hand sewn to create beautiful art pieces for your ta-tas. $55 for a bra? Are you kidding me? Is the underwire gold? And they’re so fucking arrogant about it too because they never lower the price. The only bras I ever find on sale are either size 30A or a 95XYZ.
Sometimes they’ll offer to measure your boobs. Um, no thank you. This is your part-time job during college. Unless your a Tailor, I got this.
‘But X% of women are wearing the wrong size bra’ the so-called experts say.
You want to know why we are wearing the wrong size? Because the only bras we can afford are either size 30A or 95XYZ.
And lastly, checking out is a nightmare. Store staff have carefully framed the check out line with what is known as impulse buys. I mean, it’s borderline ridiculous at this point. Once it’s your turn you must now go through a series of harassment:
“Would you like to open an angels card and save 10%?” They ask. I’ve developed a coping mechanism that is effective on about 75% of Vicky sales associates.
“I have one already.” I respond.
Then they have the gall to counter, “would you like to use it today and save 20%?” Like they don’t believe me and now it’s a dare.
“No.” I say with more force. “I don’t.”
The slap in the face is when you have spent at least $150 and instead of giving you a proper shopping bag that is sturdy with ribbon handles, this ass hole (who is similar to the ketchup Nazi at McDonalds) crams all your lingerie in a micro-size, plastic shopping bag. That is, after they have wrapped it in 5 sheets of pink tissue. This is a huge pet peeve for me and at this point, I feel like I should be getting comp drinks or something.
So what are your feelings on going into Victoria’s Secret or any place similar to it?
I am so with you. I never purchase bras there as I don’t like underwire (actually don’t need it) is this too much information! Also don’t want to pay that price. This post needed to be written Thank you!!!
Thank you! I thought so too! Waayyyy too much money!
I’ve never shopped that, but I have looked at their website and decided that I will never make enough money to justify buying anything from the store. BUT I do shop at La Senza – which I LOVE. Their bras are always on sale. But I’ve started getting only one. I never have to try it on, I just go in, pick out 2 colours I want (it’s usually buy 2 for the price of one, or buy one get one half off, something awesome like that) and then pay. It takes me all of 10 minutes if there is a long line at the check out. haha.
Funny you say that La Senza’s whq is here too, owned by LBrands who owns Victoria Secret.
Oh I had no idea! Haha all I know is that I love them haha
When I interviewed with them the first thing they said and I kid you not, “we are the slutty cheerleader of the brands.”
Really?! Lol wow!
Yep! It took me off guard completely!
I have found their bras to be pretty. .. Meh. Not that fantastic. I actually have more luck at department stores: one called Simon’s in Canada has some nice brands I have never seen and house brands which seem to fit better and look sassier. I love thongs, I love no panty lines. I went through uh… The past year being super cotton bikini girl, but my personal self is stretching its legs. I recently tried one of two online bra companies. And it is more of an everyday not super fancy bra. But it and the underwear I got with it are pretty nice. The no panty lines are good, and the bra is a bit minimimizing but I like that because my style icons are people who are more flat. Its supoirtive but doesn’t slam you into scary cleavage pushup land. Its called KNIX and I am happy I bought it.
The other one I was going to try is also online but they have some sort of breast diagnostic app to help you or something. And you fill out a survey to get info on which bra would be best. It seems like it should be my next purchase and be about making my beautiful décolletage loud and proud and cleavage bearing I think it was…. Uh- Thirdlove. I actually am getting behind the idea of paying 60 bucks to these people since they are a little more science minded and really working to get you to buy again. One bra doesn’t pay the bills. A follower, a braleiver if you will. .. That’s something they need to survive. If you dont love your bra you will go back to your vickys and give up. Bleck.
I’ve never heard of Simon’s or Knix so I am going to have to Google both. That app sounds pretty cool! May have to try it out!
If you use the Thirdlove app and or just buy a bra from them, let me know what you think. I am willing to experiment but I love having opinions. Especially from someone who is a product manager or buyer- is that what you do? And not with the horses anymore. What product line are you dealing with now?
Ha! I am a Buyer but of paper products. Napkins….bras, they are all the same, right? ?
Im a buyer of hand and power tools. Good thing that textiles design degree is for something right?
Sounds about as exciting as my buying of napkins, cups and to-go containers.
I dunno, I get a kick out of power tools. They can be pretty sexy but its a bit irritating how much of a novelty I am. Women. Why aren’t there any women in this business.
LMAO. It’s true that many women wear the wrong size bras. I find that to be mainly large chested women who need more support, but you’re right…bras are expensive as hell.
Yeah, you shouldn’t have to take out a loan to afford them. I mean, seriously!
I think Victoria’s Secret is to bras what Starbucks is to coffee. Overrated, overpriced, and not the quality you’d think.
Kohl’s and Nordstrom RACK are where mine come from. Typically the clearance row…. 🙂
At one point I bought material to make underwear bc I sew. I did’t get past the crotch.
It’s kind of like darning socks (remember when we used to do that over a light bulb?) So cheap you may as well buy.