I’m Not Into The Arts, So Sue Me

I appreciate the arts about as much as I appreciate the decor of my physicians waiting room. I was commuting from work last night and very, very sleepy. My way of waking up is turning on YouTube during a complete standstill in traffic and finding a hilarious comedian to listen to (don’t worry I’m not watching it and driving). I have recently found Chris Elias and he is fucking hilarious, especially about drunk girls!

Chris was talking about when he goes to a museum and began to imitate his approach to priceless works of art. He swiftly walks by each painting and is like, cool, cool, cool, cool, done.

I thought to myself, ‘THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I DO!’

This led me to today’s topic. I’m not one of those people that stand in front of a painting and get inspired or think I see something when I clearly don’t. The same view carries over to plays and especially musicals. If you ever want to torture me, take me to a musical. I would rather get a colonoscopy while simultaneously getting a pap smear before sitting through West Side Story. To take it a step further, I have yet to see a play or musical on Broadway. This despite having lived there for my college internship and visiting countless times for business and pleasure. Spending $100+ on a play ticket when I know there won’t be any helicopters crashing, priceless humor or dirty sex scenes is unimaginable to me.

I hate that I’m this way. I try to like plays and musicals but the actors overact….by a mile. And when they start singing, I’m ready to run to the balcony and jump off. Does this make me uncultured? Maybe. I’m just not going to pretend to like something just to seem a certain way.

The Arts and the Movies

And let’s talk movies for a moment. I have a rule that has a 90% success rate and it goes like this: If a movie has won an academy award, it’s probably going to suck. I found a list of Oscar winning movies from 2000-2015. There were a combined total of 2 movies I enjoyed. Granted, I haven’t seen most but that’s because I can pretty much guarantee, I will end up reviewing my grocery list in my head while creating a to do list as my eyes glaze over.

I’ll be real, I like funny movies; immature, raunchy, comedies. I love Bridesmaids, Stepbrothers and The Heat. I love watching comedy specials though I usually only find about 25% of them truly humorous. Laughing to me is a drug and I seek it all the time. I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. Has a comedy ever won best picture? I’ll have to check. Even then, it probably won’t be funny. It will be described as “dry comedy” which is code for- not funny.

So yep, yours truly is uncultured, shallow and does not appreciate the fine arts. I’m o.k. with this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m drinking boxed wine from my “Blood of My Enemies” wine glass and catching up on SNL.

Share the laughs with friends!


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