How My Healthy Lifestyle Isn’t Going

diet and exercise

I thought I was doing the “right” thing and announcing to the world, “I’m not going on a diet. I’m changing my lifestyle.” I vowed to take it extremely slow and not start out at an unrealistic pace. I have to be real though, it’s going about as well as Mariah Carey’s performance on New Years Eve.

For example, allow me to show you what I ate yesterday. Please note this was after forgetting my Lean Cuisine on my front porch but being saved by a vendor who put food in to go containers to show me the usability of their line. All I thought was, ‘that’s all fine and well but I’m going to eat all of that’. And so I did.


  • 3/4 blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese, courtesy of my 8 year old who “wasn’t very hungry”.
  • 16 ounce vanilla latte I made, because I’m awesome.

Lunch (this was the samples I ate)

  • yougurt parfait with granola
  • cheese cubes with beef jerkey
  • spinach and blue cheese salad in a strawberry vinaigrette


Some sort of fancy chocolate my co-worker has. It looks like powdered hot chocolate but once you add hot water, it becomes this decadent, thick, dark chocolate. When I’m exhausted, it gives me the boost I need to get through the day. I’m pretty confident they will find crack in it at some point.

Dinner (Oh Lord)

  • Texas toast
  • Shrimp scampi
  • Olive Garden-esque salad
  • Rice

Night Cap

  • 1/2 a glass of red wine which would have been a full glass but my dumb ass spilled it ALL OVER THE BED. I was so pissed at myself, having to change the sheets and pretend I hadn’t taken a glass of wine up to my room.

Exercise since 1.1.17 has included the following:

  • 2 walks around the block with coffee
  • 2 walks around the block at a faster pace, sans coffee

Oh my God, oh my God, I have GOT to get my shit together. Who else is dieting, exercising, etc.? I only want to hear from the failures. Just kidding, sort of…..


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