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My Imaginary Tiny House Journal

I don’t just like tiny houses, I LOVE tiny houses. I watch every Tiny Luxuries and House Hunter-Tiny House edition there is, as well as the sole documentary on Netflix about a kid building his own tiny house. Why Netflix doesn’t have any other tiny house series is beyond me.

In addition to the tv watching, I peruse the internet, looking at tiny house floor plans and how they are decorated. I am fascinated by all the ways the dinner table is also the coffee table but also a sewing table. I always think to myself, ‘maybe if we had multiple uses for each piece of furniture, we could all live in tiny houses.’

The Reality

I understand the grass is always greener somewhere else. I also understand I have no idea what I’d be getting myself in to. Not to mention, my husband and children look at me like a family member looks at Charlie Sheen, about to go into the Bunny Ranch. You hope they don’t go in, but there’s a good chance they will.

I need to get it out of my system. I need to stay like 2 nights in a tiny house. So if any of you reading this has a spare tiny house and your down with my 2 sons, husband and 578 year old chihuahua (who will probably piss on your floors) borrowing it for a weekend; e-mail me.

The Substitute

In an effort to avoid a train wreck and me going full throttle on this tiny house idea, I have written an imaginary journal of our first 6 weeks. Just a brief 3-4 sentence account, entered weekly on the slow demise that would surely unfold when sticking 4 people and a senior chihuahua in a tiny house.

Week 1

I am overwhelmed with happiness! We finally did it! 450 sq. ft. to call our own. We don’t settle on our land for another month so as embarrassing as it is, we have had to park our tiny house in a trailer park. But that’s ok, the boys share one loft while we have the other loft. Below there is the living area with 1 sofa, the coffee table extends up and we add 2 chairs to make our dining room table. Adorable!!! We have 1 bathroom with a combo washer/dryer and a place in the back (50 sq. ft.) where the boys can do homework or we can have peace.

Week 2

I forgot what it’s like going from 3 toilets down to 1 and 2 showers down to 1 horse trough. I feel like we are at a hotel! LOL! I’m going to stop by the store today and get more V.I.Poo as when anyone takes a dump, the entire trailer….ahem…..tiny house…..smells like death.

Week 3

Us living together for 2 weeks now has really opened our eyes to what little we did as a family before. In the evenings, after homework is done, we gather around our 1 t.v. and watch whatever the boys want to watch which is usually Teen Titans or some horrible Disney sitcom.

Week 4

Haven’t had sex in a month. Can’t with these stupid open lofts and boys behaving like vampires, up at all hours. I don’t need to dislocate my leg either by using our closet size bathroom. Perhaps we can find one of those motels that rent by the hour? Nah, scratch that, I don’t need to bring bed bugs home.

Week 5

I’m drunk. What have I done to our family? I would sell my right arm at this point for some privacy that didn’t include sitting on the toilet in our 30 sq. ft. bathroom. How are my sons going to bring a girl home to make out with in the not too distant future? There is no family room, no den, no nothing. I fuckin’ hate this.

Week 6

Screw tiny houses, tiny living and everything! Today I went to a real estate agent with a crazy look in my eye and no joke, said the following,

“I want the biggest fucking house you have in the county!” I said as I threw my hands up in the air, cackling like Cruella de Vil. “I want a family room, a formal living room, a drawing-room, a library and a den. This house needs to be so f’ing big that you can put the tiny house we currently live in, in the closet. You feel me?”

I could see him feeling under his desk for the panic button that didn’t exist.

 

 

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17 thoughts on “My Imaginary Tiny House Journal

  1. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to my love of tiny houses. But, yeah, you’re right. I’d probably hate it. I get annoyed when everyone is in the kitchen when I’m cooking. How the hell would we all live in a kitchen sized house?

    1. yes, so essentially your entire family is living in the kitchen. Have you seen the tiny house hotels? That is where I need to go just to get it out of my system.

      1. I haven’t seen these. We are going to have a tiny house community in our city soon. I’m very curious to see what it’s like and if the murder rate skyrockets afterward.

        1. you’re so lucky! They did a tiny house show on home and garden of a young couple with a baby that live probably 8 miles away from me. I about fell off my chair when I learned the proximity. I swear to my sons I was going to find out exactly where they were knock on their door and ask if I can come in to look around. They pleaded that I don’t do this.

  2. OMG, you would LOVE living in Japan!

    I use to sleep on a futon, then put it away in the daytime so my bedroom would become a room for chilling in. 🙂

    After a while I bought more futons so I could cover the entire floor of my room with futons so as many friends as possible could stay over after drunken karaoke nights. It was a small space, but I really loved it. Teeny houses can be good BUT you still need loads of storage space…and not too much stuff!

      1. 3.5 years (but not all at once!)

        I thought my apartment was quite big at the time…but it’s smaller than the other places we’ve moved to since, so I guess it was a close to being a tiny house (well…flat)

        The best thing is those half-size baths. You can’t stretch your legs out, but the water comes right up to your chin so it’s sooo warm and relaxing!!

    1. I have. I think there’s even one in my town but I don’t know exactly how to word it to my husband that we would be staying in the exact same town for one night because it’s a tiny house. He would probably divorce me. Hell, I’d probably divorce myself.

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